Molly

Molly’s left front leg is being amputated on Monday.  It’s been a really rough few weeks for all of us here.  But it’s either the leg or her life.  I seem to be accepting it a lot better than my husband, Brad, and I wonder a little if it’s because I’m a mother.  I don’t know.  But I do know that once I got my head around it, and grieved for her, for the leg she is going to lose, I went into caregiver mode.   

We took her in for her chest x-rays yesterday, and they came back clean … so far.  It may be too small to see so we have to check her again in a few months.  But the vet took the bandage off from where he took samples of the mass for biopsy, and it was a mess.  The incision never healed, and the cancer mass was through the skin … it looked awful.  I said to Brad, “If you had any doubts before about amputation being the right thing to do, this should get rid of them all.”

I’m at a stage now where I just want it over with.  Take the leg, and let’s get her adapting so we can move forward.  I’m ready for it. 

I had my husband, and my sons, read all the comments on my posts … it helped.  I could tell by the way my husband turned his head so I couldn’t see the tears.  They’ve been pretty frequent with all of us these last few days.  I have the advantage of being a woman, and can wail to my heart’s content.  My two teenaged sons and my husband try to hold it in.  It’s not working, but they still try to hold it in.

I never thought anything like this would be so sad.  I’ve owned animals, all kinds, all my life …  nursed them through all kinds of ailments, mourned when they died, and yet never would have imagined that the thought of one of them losing a limb would put me into a strange state of grief.  Who knew?

It’s been less than 24 hours since I started this blog and already I feel better, and stronger.  Thank you for your comments and support.

We will be letting the vet know our decision on Monday.  It’s been so hard.  Yes, we can have most of the mass removed surgically, and then have her go through four to six weeks of radiation, and then she would still have her leg, but why?  They can’t give a guarantee that they will get it all and what have we put Molly through in the meantime?  The tumor is on her wrist.  She would probably always be lame and how long would it take to heal?

I would love to have a “whole” dog, but would rather have a dog who is missing a leg, and adapting well, to a whole dog who went through hell to stay that way.  I sometimes wonder if we want them to keep their leg for our sake, not for theirs.  They will adapt.  And they will adapt just fine from what I’ve seen here.  But the thought that we are making a life changing decision for them is a bit overwhelming. 

I look at her now, with her bandaged leg, looking up at me with those sappy brown eyes, and my heart is breaking.  Am I doing the right thing?

Yeah, I think so … it feels right.  I’m already grieving for her, but it still feels right.

Molly, my seven year old Border Terrier, has a lump on her left front leg. Antibiotics didn’t help so, hoping it was merely a benign fatty deposit, our vet went in to remove it. The mass was all through her connective tissue … so he took a few pieces to send off, and closed her back up again.

Soft Tissue Sarcoma … Grade Two.